Work life is becoming very stressful, relationships that were once important to me are either strained or gone and my extraordinary teenagers behaved very ordinarily - and that was the straw that broke this camel's back. I picked up my keys, walked out the front door and drove away. One thing I am sure of is how blessed my life is. Really! But, yesterday everything went completely gray for a time and my coping skills flew out the window. Psalm 34:8 tells us to "Taste and see that the Lord is good," but at that moment, it sure looked like he served me up a plate of liver and onions with a side of brussel sprouts. I wanted to find a place where I could be as alone as I felt.
After an hour of driving, I ended up at the Kern River. As I exited my car and approached the banks of the river, the sound of water rushing downstream became an immediate balm to the frayed end of my rope. I witnessed a beautiful white bird dancing overhead. I looked into the river and saw colorful, rounded stones. Collecting a few, I watched them move around each other in the palm of my hand. After awhile those stones started to dry; their colors faded, they lost their shine and most of them started to look the same. At that moment, they were the picture of how I felt. I was a big, dry, unimportant nothing. Just then, God spoke to my heart. I dipped my hand back in the river and their luster and beauty returned. That was the picture of what God wanted me to do next.
The properties of those stones have not changed since they were first formed. What did change was where they were placed and what they were placed in. I, too, am exactly who I am wherever I am. God placed me in a river, of sorts, when He placed me in the life He chose for me. Unlike those stones, I can walk away from my river any time. When I do, however, I lose my luster, my ability to shine. I will function at my best, most God-glorifying level, when I stay in the midst of His plans for me. He will sustain me there with His living water and bring others alongside me to keep me company. Some days I will be still and cool, but other days I will tumble and crash against others journeying with me. I will lose companions along the way, but I will gain new ones, too. He told me to trust Him and keep my eyes open for the next turn. He has a plan.
After a few hours of self-pity, followed by a time of confession and forgiveness, I returned to my river of home, work, friends and family. For now, that handful of stones is staying with me as a reminder. I'm still feeling a bit dry, but I trust He has a plan.
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