Insults They'll Thank You For

Oh, how I wish I could think up smart insults like these! I found this compilation and had to pass it along!

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” — Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” — Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” — William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” — Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” — Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” — Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… If you have one.” — George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill…followed by Churchill’s response:

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one.” — Winston Churchill

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” — Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” — John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” — Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” — Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” — Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.” — Walter Kerr

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” — Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” — Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” — Oscar Wilde

Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, “Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!”
Churchill replied, “Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!”