I have kept an eye on the news regarding a woman who disappeared from a conference about three months ago. There is still no new information, but there is a current article regarding the affects of her disappearance on her friends and family here.No one really knows if something happened to her or if she ran away. If it is the former, I pray she is safely in the arms of Jesus; if the latter, I can understand why.
When we are at our best, raising a family, caring for our spouses, doing well at our occupations and managing a home is a daunting task. Add to that mix falling into a pit of addiction and/or illness of any kind, especially mental illness, and there is great potential for anyone to completely lose it. If a family is involved in ministry, a microscope is placed over their family that can't be fully understood unless it is experienced personally. There is pressure to look like "you are living in the fullness and freedom of salvation," all the time. Any struggles within the family and that pastor might be accused of their home "not being in order," which is a scriptural requirement for being involved in ministry. In short, getting caught up in the struggles of a fallen world can cost your husband his job.
Even if help is desired, where does she go? Is there another woman in the church she can trust? Maybe. But, what if she's wrong and her personal stuff becomes fodder for gossip? If she seeks professional help, what if someone in the community finds out she's seeking counseling? What conclusions might they jump to?
Yeah, I can fully understand why someone living like this might want to run away.
Lesson: Women of the church, strive to be a safe place for your pastor's wife to be herself. Such trust is built over time. Don't push. Trust her enough to confide in her, too! Don't just act like a friend to her, BE a friend to her. Write her encouraging notes from time to time. Take her to lunch. Spoil her. She, of all people, deserves it! If you hear anyone speaking about her - or anyone else for that matter - squash it like a bug. Lovingly confront that sinful behavior, like a good sister should!
I am not implying that any pastor's wife I know might be having these struggles. I have, however, experienced this pressure cooker life as a pastor's child. It was the article about the missing woman that inspired me to write about this at all, not anyone I know personally. But why wait until someone is hurting to come alongside them? Be a friend now.
All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
2 comments:
I really appreciated reading your blog. I was a pastor'r wife who "ran away". You have inspired my to start my own blog where I will write bits of my story and hope for some feedback. Until people know the whole story, they draw many false conclusions and they only know half truths. I have been on a tremendous journey over the past 2 1/2 years and have reached the point where I need to have a voice. Thanks again!
On My Way
O.M.W.: Although I don't know your personal story, your comment leads me to believe you've been through the wringer. I'll be keeping tabs on you blog and commenting from time-to-time if appropriate. God bless you as you seek to glorify Him with your life and your writing.
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